LIKE A TREE, I GROW

I never hated my life. Ever before. 

I dont hate it now. 

But something has changed- i dont feel like i am doing justice to my life; justice by doing something that i actually want to do and not the other way round (which i am doing now!)

I am very suddenly pushed in this very big institution (renowned) and the sheer joy of getting in it made me think how lucky i am to make it here.Lucky i was. 

But the questions came to be after a year- why am i doing this? where will it lead me? and most importantly- will i be happy? 

My path to stardom was already carved out for me. Always. All i had to do was just say YES; which i did. 

Which i always did.

So yes, lucky i was, happy i was not.

Another year later, now, i am still contemplating. Should i quit? Should i stop questioning? should care about my happiness and quit already? 

Then i heard- what happiness? wasn't there any before? why has it become your primary occupation?

Baffled! Yes. 

All contradictions. Irony of life they say. But all true. 

I was happy when i was just following orders. I was happy when others carved my path before. i was happy when they were happy. 

It all made sense. i am at crossroads now. The only reason i feel that is because i am growing up. Now i have a rational mind and i am questioning like all rational people do. But the difference here is i am questioning about my own life and the path i have taken. 

But i guess that is not unheard off.

So here i am, at the worst stage of my life, trying to make decisions and like a tree, growing every second.

Twist and turn, like my hair :)

Love.