I never hated my life. Ever before. 

I dont hate it now. 

But something has changed- i dont feel like i am doing justice to my life; justice by doing something that i actually want to do and not the other way round (which i am doing now!)
I am very suddenly pushed in this very big institution (renowned) and the sheer joy of getting in it made me think how lucky i am to make it here.Lucky i was

But the questions came to be after a year- why am i doing this? where will it lead me? and most importantly- will i be happy? 
My path to stardom was already carved out for me. Always. All i had to do was just say YES; which i did. 
Which i always did.

So yes, lucky i was, happy i was not.

Another year later, now, i am still contemplating. Should i quit? Should i stop questioning? should care about my happiness and quit already? 

Then i heard- what happiness? wasn't there any before? why has it become your primary occupation?

Baffled! Yes. 
All contradictions. Irony of life they say. But all true. 

I was happy when i was just following orders. I was happy when others carved my path before. i was happy when they were happy. 

It all made sense. i am at crossroads now. The only reason i feel that is because i am growing up. Now i have a rational mind and i am questioning like all rational people do. But the difference here is i am questioning about my own life and the path i have taken. 
But i guess that is not unheard off.
So here i am, at the worst stage of my life, trying to make decisions and like a tree, growing every second.

Twist and turn, like my hair :)



  1. That is a GORGEOUS picture of you. Res lips and curls are kicking ass!!!!!!

  2. You flatter me B! thank you!

  3. Anonymous28.8.11

    love your look, esp. the red lips
    check my blog too:)

  4. This post is so awesome.. I love what you wrote and sympathize with it very much. I love your metaphor at the end, too!! xxx


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